I've always wondered what kind of person Stephen King must be. If you've ever read any of his books or seen any movies based on those books, and I highly recommend that you don't do either, you likely have wondered the same thing. What kind of person comes up with such disgusting filth? (Ok, he's written a few good books, but really for the most part...)
Well, I've come to realize, we all do. I think that is why King is so popular. It surely isn't for his great prose, and not because he tells a good story. I think his success stems from his uncommon honesty. He tells tales that we all (shudder!) can relate to. He writes about the things we all think about, and then quickly purge from our memories, lest we lose our sanity. When we read his books we think, at least subconsciously--Oh good, I'm not the only one who is depraved.
I've recently "become a Christian." Perhaps more accurately, an extremely intelligent pastor defined "Christian" for me in such a way that I can now call myself that. Ironically, many people probably don't think that I'm a "real" Christian, since I don't believe whichever thing they think I must. I say this is ironic because I feel certain that I am a Christian, I am certain the definition gifted to me (and to my then fiancee) was very true. I say ironic because it is due to my being a Christian that I have read and studied and thought about a type of honesty integral to Christian faith, and I have come to realize that I have been failing miserably at it. But I'm not alone.
I remember President Jimmy Carter being made a fool of in the media for admitting that he had lust in his heart. I believe he made this public confession in response to a question of whether he sinned. I didn't understand the public reaction at the time, but I'm starting to think maybe I do now. When President Carter answered that question in that way, he was lying to the world. He wasn't lying in the sense that he did not indeed lust in his heart. We know that was true because who doesn't? But that is the lie -- his confession was no confession. It probably was, in fact, a self-serving self-aggrandizing statement worthy of public ridicule. By confessing to this sin, he was saying, implicitly, that he didn't have worse sins. When someone admits to being a sinner, and then gives as an example a silly sin such as lust, he is, in fact, at best ignoring, and perhaps even outright denying, his real sins. But we know his sins run deeper. We know he is depraved. Because he's human. President Carter was lying to us all, and he was using his religion to do it! Talk about being a depraved, vile, disgusting worm. Funny, though, I wish I were even half the man that he is.
Perhaps it would be better to take a look at a "real" person, someone a little closer to home. Take, for example, me. I've talked to people about being a sinner. I've also used the lust example President Carter gave. But all too often someone else involved in the conversation beats me to that one. In that case, I like to use the one two punch of gluttony and sloth. I thus get to confess to two sins! But really, anyone who can see knows that already. Its probably the first thing anyone knows about me when they meet me. So why do I say it? Because I really don't want to admit a sin. But who am I fooling when I make this false confession? No one. You all know that I'm really a depraved, vile, disgusting worm. And you're 100 percent correct. But I think I do myself and everyone a disservice when I "confess" something already known. Wouldn't it be refreshing if I admitted that, on the way to church, I had thought about running the little old lady down who was holding me up at the traffic light?
I've occassionally had people confess real sins to me. As an example, a couple women I know admitted that there were times when they actually found themselves hating their babies. (Imagine a collicy baby crying non-stop for days). These were both women I'd always thought were great moms, patient and loving and kind. I was very surprised at the first confession, but then then less so with the second. I was learning. As someone thinking about having kids, I think these confessions were great gifts to us. We'll suffer that much less, be that much less likely to think ourselves vile unfit parents if (when?) we find ourselves in similar circumstances.
But the confessions were also of great help to these women. They brought their sins out into the open, into the light of day, and were thus able to see that they really weren't that bad. Hate is a real sin, one of the worst, and it seems much worse when directed at a baby. But we all hate.
And so, Stephen King. He must have the best job in the world. He gets to take all the evil in his heart and throw it out there for all the world to see. And he gets paid well for his effort. I'd like to be that kind of Christian. I'd like to be able to confess my sins in such an honest way. The truth is I'm not so brave, so most of it will have to remain between me and God. But I do hope at least to quit abusing the confession process. When someone asks if I sin, I hope that if I can't give a real example, I'll simply say yes, and leave it at that.
First published on MySpace, May 3, 2005
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment